I miss my kids.

I am feeling down today.  My kids are at the Great Wolf Lodge with my mom, my sister, and her kids.  I should be happy that they are going to have fun, but I’m not.  I’m worried that my mom is being unfair with Adan like always.  I SHOULD’VE kept them home.

Damn, I was getting good at hiding my feelings today, but when I write, I allow myself to feel all of these feelings.  I just hope I won’t be in tears.

Oh and to top it off, my mom invited my psycho brother over there along with his 3 annoying kids.  Why didn’t she invite me?  Why am I always left out?  Why does he get rewarded for being an asshole?  I try staying within the lines but that doesn’t matter to her.  Damn I wish my dad was still alive so that someone could back me up.

This is going to be the second or third trip where my kids are the only kids without their mom or dad there.  I hate this.  I want to hug them and tell them that I do care about them and I love them so much no matter how Grandma makes them feel.

I wish I was rich so I can take time off with them.

We are so tight financially, like never before.  And now Miranda might spend the whole summer with us. I have always been okay with that, but with the way things are financially, I am stressing about how we are going to feed another mouth.  And she’s a teenager so she eats a lot.

What the hell are we going to do about child care?  Is my husband going to have to watch all 3 of them while working since I am not allowed to bring my kids to work anymore?

I guess we will have to figure it out like the rest of the working parents.

The only thing I know right now is that I wish that my kids were in front of me so I can show them my unconditional love.  My mom’s love is conditional and it always made me feel like shit, and I don’t want my kids to ever feel like that.

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About christyrendon

I'm a 26 year old working mom of two amazing kids, Adan (2 1/2) and Christy (1).. I've been married for 3 years to Edward..

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