As much as I hate to write about this, I had one of those “bad mommy” nights on Sunday night.
See, my bedtime routine not really typical. I usually go upstairs to my bedroom with Christy to go to sleep. I rock her to sleep and around 3am, I put her in her crib.
Adan always stays downstairs with Edward watching TV late into the night and then they come upstairs an hour or so after I go up.
Well, for some reason, Adan is going through some separation anxiety (and I honestly can’t pinpoint a reason as to why he’s acting like that) and he wanted to go upstairs with me. So Edward says, “Okay.” But then Adan wants Edward to go upstairs too, and Edward wants to stay downstairs.
That’s when the thirty minute tantrum started!
He wouldn’t stop crying and screaming and he couldn’t make up his mind. He didn’t know if he wanted to go upstairs or downstairs. I told Edward to just bring him upstairs and I put him on the bed and told him he was going to sleep and he started screaming louder and kicking and yelling.
This mind sound like a typical toddler, but Adan is never like this. He’s a good kid. He is usually calm and usually listens to me.
I kept on yelling and screaming at him to calm down or I was going to give him pow-pow. I ended up spanking his booty and he still kept crying and I was yelling that he needed to calm down because he wasn’t going downstairs. Ugh, I sounded like such a monster :(.
Finally, Edward came upstairs and he rocked Christy while I held Adan until he calmed down.
Once all of the chaos had subdued, I started crying. I didn’t like the way I handled the situation at all. I could’ve been calmer. I could’ve just held him since the very beginning.
When I woke up the next morning, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He tossed in his sleep, and I swear he said the following, “No more cry, Adan”. It broke my heart when he said that. To top it off, when I got home, he told me, “No more mad, cry?”
I apologized to him. I told him Mommy was bad, but that I was going to try harder to be better and that I loved him.
As an apology, we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese and they had a blast as they always do there.
Actually, I might mention that when we got to Chuck E. Cheese, he was about to throw a tantrum because he didn’t want to sit down on the high chair and eat and I think I handled it pretty well. I didn’t get mad at him. I didn’t yell. I talked to him and then finally he decided to sit down in his chair.
I don’t even know what to say about my reaction to his earlier tantrum. I just know I will try to never scream like that again. Mommy rage is the ugliest thing and makes me feel like such a monster when I feel it creeping in.