Adan’s evaluation went just fine. They asked me a lot of questions. They “tested” him with games and a few questions. They came down to the conclusion that Adan’s speech is perfectly fine and that he will not need speech therapy. I was happy to hear that. It made me proud to hear how smart Adan is.
Anyway, right now I’m at odds with Edward. Again. Just when we were finally starting to get along again.
I tell him that we need a third income because our checks are not covering our bills and expenses. I tell him we should start selling on ebay again. He says that it’s fine. Then he says we need to make investments so that we could start selling. I tell him okay. He says, “Ask you mom for a loan.” That is something that ALWAYS upsets me. He thinks my mom is a fucking cash cow or something. Oh, and to top it off… He says, “Well then what do you suggest we do? Because I’m the one that does all the work on ebay.”
That pisses me off because he doesn’t hear me bitching about being the only one that cleans the house or washes the dishes or makes meals or changes the diapers or bathes the kids. We are supposed to be a TEAM. If I wasn’t around, he would have to watch the kids all alone and that wouldn’t allow him to work for his current job or give him time to sell stuff on eBay.
I wonder sometimes how I married such a self-centered man. Why was I so stupid?
Shouldn’t a man feel PROUD that he is bringing in money for his family? Shouldn’t he want to figure out a way to make more money since child support takes away a lot of money from us?
I guess I compare him to my dad at times. My dad was the sole money maker of our family. He never bitched about it. He always woke up early to go to the office in a good mood. He loved working. He loved providing for us. He liked making sure we had everything we needed. NEVER in my mind did I have to worry about the light getting cut off or not having a meal the next day. With Edward, I constantly worry about bills, about rent, about our next meal. I PRAY that our kids will never know this tough time that we are going through. If they ever worried about that, then I would feel like a total failure.
I turned off my iPhone because I don’t want to see his messages.
Sometimes I think to myself, “What if I just LEFT him?” What would happen
I feel guilty thinking that way because I know my kids would miss their dad, and I know he would miss them a lot as well.
I just don’t know what to do sometimes. I can’t feel sorry for myself, though, because I put myself in this damn situation.