Letter to my mom.

Dear Mom,

 

I am writing you this letter on a website you don’t know about. I am writing to you here because you will never read this letter. I wish I could just call you or visit you and tell you exactly how I feel, but that never works out for me. You’re never wrong, and never will be. You’re nearly 50 years old, and I doubt you will change anytime soon, especially for me, your biggest disappointment.

 

You are mad because I didn’t tell you about Edward’s other kid. I never told you because you hate him. Why add fuel to the fire? You don’t like his tattoos. You don’t think he works hard. You think he’s unattactive, that I deserved better. But do you realize he’s the father of my kid? That we got married in church and he’s my husband? Do you realize that you’re the biggest thing that comes between my marriage?

 

Do you realize that I’m supposed to put my husband first now, and that I don’t always do that to avoid fighting with you?

 

I see how Edward and his mother get along and I get jealous. I get jealous because he can tell her absolutely anything and everything and she doesn’t judge him. Maybe she should’ve disciplined him a little better, but overall they have such a beautiful relationship, and I wish I had that with you.

 

I can’t talk to you. I can’t tell you about my life or what goes on inside of my life. You judge me and lecture me although I’m nearly 25 years old. I understand that my life isn’t straightened out as it should, and I should be more independent, but having you constantly look at me with those accusing eyes doesn’t make my life any easier. I’m not thin enough. I’m not successful enough. I don’t dress well enough for you. I don’t socialize enough for you. I’m surprised you haven’t commented on my parenting style.

 

What’s sad is that you keep things from me too, like your past. I had to find out you and dad weren’t married when you gave birth to me through a piece of paper I found.

You and dad nearly got arrested for bribery. The FBI raided our house that day, and took all of our papers. You didn’t tell me that you guys were paying people to give us jobs for our company.

You have yet to tell me about your first marriage.

David was the one to tell me that he was a result of an affair that you had with a married man. You never told me about that.

 

 

Why can’t we be honest with each other? Who are we trying to impress?

Why can’t we have a close relationship like I want to?

 

Unfortunately, I will never tell you any of this, and if I did, it wouldn’t resolve anything because you would blame it on me completely. There’s no reasoning with you. You just find ways to get back at me, to get revenge. You have always been like that. That is why I took this job when you offered it to me even though I’m getting paid less- because I was afraid of what you would do if I said no. You’re a vengeful person even though you claim to follow God’s word.

I’m scared of you. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. You can be the greatest, most giving person, but the minute someone doesn’t agree with you, you find ways to get revenge so that they can feel pain.

Donna and you got in a fight, and now look. She can only see Dad every few weeks for an hour. I don’t agree with her behavior, but we both know she loves Dad and should be able to see him more regularly. Of course I won’t tell you that. I just agreed with you when you asked for my opinion.

 

I pray to God that one day we can understand each other without judgment. I pray that I will have a good relationship with my kids so that they won’t have the same problems that you and I do.

 

I love you.

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About christyrendon

I'm a 26 year old working mom of two amazing kids, Adan (2 1/2) and Christy (1).. I've been married for 3 years to Edward..

4 responses to “Letter to my mom.

  1. = [ I’m sorry you dont have the relationship with your mother. Im always scared because what if Im that mom, the one my kids cant talk to or somehow because of my mistakes I fuck their life up. 

  2. @Aletheas_Unspoken_words – Yea I mean nobody can understand the impact that your children have on you until you have them.. and I try being understanding and not moody to my son because that’s how my mom was when I was younger.. Plus she would never take care of us.. She would always leave us with our housekeeper..

  3. Sorry things aren’t too wonderful between you and your mother. But I think that this letter to her was a great idea and way to get some frustration out. I may copy this for my own parents. I really hope you do get to say what you want to to your mom some day. Just learn from her mistakes, and keep your head up. ❤

  4. @Sophiqua – thanks!! yea that’s why we are moving away… so hopefully my relationship with my mom can get stronger because being too close to her just isn’t working out and stresses me out like you can’t imagine…

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